


Washout

by douxpink



Category: Highschool DxD (Anime)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Band Fic, College, Devils, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Just a hella depressed Issei lol, Multi, Sex, Sorry I just love angst kjdfkfdkfj, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Supernatural Elements, There's still devils/angels in this so don't worry, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douxpink/pseuds/douxpink
Summary: 'Carpal Tunnel', was an infamous Rock band that swept the nation in the late 90's, producing hit after hit with every album making its way to the top of the charts. Unfortunately, due to certain events involving the lead singer and electric guitarist, Issei Hyoudou, the band spiraled out of control, never to release another hit again.Or, washed out, former rockstar Issei vs the Supernatural





	Washout

**Author's Note:**

> Heyooo so this one is kinda dark lol I had originally posted this on fanfiction.net in 2017 when I was really into the hsdxd fandom (don't ask), and I figure I might continue this drabble one day so why not upload it here? I'm also not sure how big the hsdxd fandom is right now, but nonetheless, here's this depressing chapter I wrote a few years ago lol enjoy.~

 ✮

 **Flashback - February 12th, 1998** **(8 months ago)**

_The roar of the crowd._

_That was the best part._

_The part that made everything worth it. The feeling of being on stage surrounded by those who appreciated his existence. Adored his craft. Listening to the chords of the guitar, the pound of the drums and the kick of the bass, live and in person. Live music. It was much more surreal than the countless times he sat on the train, earbuds in, blasting the pre-recorded song on loop, memorizing the lyrics and the chords. The music was much clearer now, in person. So much more raw. Everything he had prepared for was released for the crowd to hear. He could almost feel the rhythm in his veins. He was in a state of blissful chaos._

_The faint aroma of weed hung in the air but the high he was feeling wasn't from the drugs, nor was it from the concoction of pills he'd swallowed down in the bathroom just a few minutes before. It was the music. The escape. The peace._

_It was the fluorescent lights above that cascaded through the venue like the webs of a spider. Back and forth, back and forth in polychromatic turrets of color. He couldn't help himself from staring a the array of colors that shone down from the rafters above. Everything was perfect. So he opened his mouth and started to sing._

 

_"This party's pretty boring,_

_I don't think it's for me._

_Lucy's already crashed out,_

_She's on the spare settee."_

 

_When he sang, he felt calm. All the stress and memories he wished he could forget would slip from his mind the second he pursed his lips. He was in his own world._

 

_"T _his air is getting so thin,__

_Go down, go down, go down_

_The honey whiskey's kickin'_

_Go down, go down, go down."_

 

_The music is what saved him. His electric guitar strapped across his chest. It protected him and gave him strength. He was his most confident on stage._

 

_"This air is getting so thin_

_Collect all your questions 'cause this time we've all night"_

 

_His fingers strumming while he sang his heart out. All his emotions spilled out just like the guts of a hungry predator's prey._

 

_"I think I better go before I try something I might regret,  
_

_I might regret._

_I think I better go before I try something I might regret_

_I might regret."_

 

_"Black hearted angels sunk me_

_With kisses on my mouth._

_There's poison in this water,_

_The words are falling out."_

 

_"This air is getting so thin,_

_Go down, go down, go down._

_The honey whiskey's kickin'_

_Go down, go down,"_

 

_The audience would sing along and, though he would never admit it out loud, he felt a warm, content feeling when he'd catch the eye of a screaming fan below and watch as their cheeks  would flush and their eyes would sparkle in amazement, screaming to the person next to them, 'He looked at me! He looked at me!'_

 

_"I think I better go before I try something I might regret,  
_

_I might regret._

_I think I better go before I try something I might regret_

_I might regret."_

 

_"But if you wanna free your body tonight,_

_It's our secret._

_It's our secret._

_I think I better go before I try something I might regret,  
_

_I might regret..."_

 

_But like every high, they ware off._

 

_And that was the worst part._

 

_When the songs would trail off, and the atmosphere would quiet. When the setlist would end and the screams of excitement that were ravishing the revenue just hours before would cease completely. When the curtains would close, and the lights would dim, no longer would there be anything to provide him with the motivation to continue on. Instead, only a deafening silence held its place, and everything would come rushing back. The stress. The worries. Those memories._

 

_it was time for him to take more pills._

 

* * *

 

**Present, September 10th, 1999**

"Wake up please! Could you please wake up now! Orrr you could just stay in bed, but I'm not going down on you. Wake up mister, wake up mister, wake up mister!"

 

The ever familiar sound of Issei's alarm clock of cosplay hotties rang through his ears. Slamming his hand down on the clock to silence its blaring, Issei groggily rose from his bed. He didn't remember falling asleep last night, which was evident by the fact that he was still dressed in his clothes from the night before, a pair of ripped up black skinny jeans and a maroon hoodie. He did, however, remember that he was up at the wee hours of the night which meant he hadn't gotten much sleep yet again.

 

Sitting up from his bed was the first mistake Issei would make today when he tried to get up too fast and instantly winced at the gnarly headache that attacked at his temples.

 

"Augh god dammit." Issei swore under his breath as he clutched his pounding head. He reached for his nightstand to grab his pills to ease the headache, but was disappointed to find only empty bottles. This caused another swear to escape his mouth as he stood up to walk toward the bathroom.

 

Dirty clothes and broken CD's littered his bedroom floor, but Issei wasn't bothered to do anything about it. He must have been smashing old records last night.

 

As Issei was making his way towards the bathroom door, he couldn't help but read the heading of that blasted newspaper that he always kept on his desk. In bold print the paper read, 'Popular Rock Band Carpal Tunnel Experiences Major Falling Out?!' followed by the subheader, 'The Lead Singer Could Be to Blame.' With a scoff, he just adverted his eyes and opened the door to the bathroom to freshen up as best as he could.

 

Looking in the mirror, he was a pale boy of average height and build. He had messy locks that were dyed a starch white color with his dark natural roots peeking out a bit, a complete contrast to his accompanying dull, brown eyes. He was a fairly attractive boy, which he needed to be, if he was the leader singer of a band- well, _former_ lead singer of a band, along with some black studded earrings that hung from his ears. Running a hand down his face, Issei groaned at the bags under his eyes.

 

Choosing to ignore his appearance for the moment, he bent down to turn on the faucet and opted to splashing a few handfuls of water on his face to wake him up. The cold water felt nice on his hot skin.

 

Once he was finished washing off, he reached into the mirror to look for some painkillers, but was disappointed once again. It was looking like he would be making a trip to the drugstore today. With a sigh, Issei exited the bathroom, making sure to grab his cellphone, and went towards the living room. He halted to a stop in the doorway of his destination when he saw his deadbeat dad passed out drunk again on the armchair facing the static of the television. Issei almost wanted to scoff at the pathetic display.

 

Before, his father used to be a very put together and slender man, but since the passing of Issei's mother, he had let himself go, succumbing to drinking and violence to help fill the void in his soul. If he even had a soul anymore. Issei hated him.

 

He didn't want to wake the man up, though, so he had to be extra quiet when walking past him. And, though Issei would never admit it unless high out of his mind, he feared what happened when his father got angry. A shiver went down his spine at the thought of those slimy hands on him- on _her_.

 

**"Issei, stop thinking about those things."**

 

The gruff voice in his head would say whenever his repressed memories tried to resurface. He didn't know when he started hearing the voice. He'd just assumed he was slowly going insane. With a shake of his head, Issei decided to just skip breakfast and leave to go to the pharmacy. His headache was too persistent.

 

Stepping outside, he instantly felt the brisk, chilling breeze of autumn hit his face, so he put the hood of his jacket up. Issei usually did this whenever he was outside because he didn't want to risk any possible former fans or lingering paparazzi getting the jump on him.

 

He closed the gate to his house with a slight click as he started walking towards the pharmacy. Issei lived in a one story home with just his father. Nothing too fancy. Just enough room to fit three people, well two people now. Issei still wasn't used to the fact that his mother was gone forever. It hurt to think about it. It was his fault.

 

In order to stop his thoughts for clouding his judgment he reached into his jacket pocket in search of his headphones. Music would calm him down.

 

 _Shit._ He'd left them on his nightstand.

 

With a grunt, he kicked the closest thing towards him in frustration, which just so happened to be a stray rock on the sidewalk. Thankfully the nearest drugstore wasn't that far of a walk so he just had to focus on his surroundings instead to distract himself.

 

The sky was a peaceful pale blue color, and only a few clouds were visible. It was a clear, breezy morning. He was especially thankful that the sidewalk wasn't too crowded, aside from a few men dressed in suits hurrying to signal the nearest cab that'd allow them passage as they headed to work. It also happened to be a weekday which meant everyone was either working or at school, well almost everyone. Ever since the collapse of his band, Issei never went back to school. He and his bandmates had dropped out of high school their sophomore year to start Carpal Tunnel and they had done online school while on tour. So since then, Issei hadn't so much as thought about school let alone picked up a textbook. Granted it had only been a few months since the band collapsed, and he still kind of wanted to go to a real university. His grades weren't the best, but he did particularly well in a few subjects like math, language, music, and gym.

 

As he was walking, Issei noticed the ledge that overlooked the ocean next to the park. People would always hang out around there and stare down at the water. Issei never did though, but he had to admit, that in the moment, it did look tempting. Without even realizing it, Issei's legs were moving on their own as he made his way over to the ledge. _Why did it fascinate him so much?_ He knew why as soon as he caught a glimpse of the ocean below. The waves crashed back and forth on top of one another as they slammed against the rocks on the shore below. It looked to be a pretty hefty drop and, if he had to guess, he'd say it was roughly 40 feet.

 

Drop. Fall.

 

He could fall and everything would be over. No more paparazzi. No more dad. No more thoughts. No more pain. Nothing. And even if the fall itself hadn't killed him, he couldn't swim. Never learned how. Surely that would kil-

 

 **"Enough."** the voice in his head interrupted him. It was very stern and authoritative its intensity almost shocked Issei.

 

His head pulsed.

 

Realizing what was happening, Issei regained control of his legs and quickly shot away from the ledge, landing on his bottom as he let out a forced, breathy laugh.

 

"Ahah right. What the hell am I doing.."

 

Shaking his head in an attempt to regain his composure, Issei stood up, dusted himself off, and found comfort in shoving his hands into his jacket pocket. He needed to restock on pills fast because he could never think straight when he was sober.

 

Picking up the pace in his steps, he arrived at the drugstore only a few moments later. Entering the store brought instant relief and comfort at the air conditioning and the flickering of the fluorescent lights above. Like on the streets, there weren't many people in the store and he didn't even bother to get a good look at anyone. He just wanted to get his pills and leave. No strings attached.

 

He knew exactly where to go because he frequented the establishment quite a bit since his return from band life, so he made his way straight to the prescription section. The woman at the counter was average looking and was too preoccupied by a magazine in her hands that he hadn't even noticed Issei walk up.

 

He cleared his through to get her attention, "Ehem, excuse me." 

 

The woman reluctantly put her magazine down with a huff as she glared up at Issei. "Ya?"

 

 _Well someone wasn't a morning person,_ Issei thought. "Um, I'm here to pick up something." He fidgeted with his hands a bit below the counter.

 

The woman, who seemed entirely put off by the whole situation rolled her eyes before asking, "Name?"

 

"Uh, Hyoudou." He said taking out his ID just incase she asked but it didn't seem like she'd noticed anyway.

 

"Yeaaahh okay wait here." She got up from he stool and turned around to gather his prescription order.

 

Waiting was always the worst part but Issei opted to just staring off at a fixed point on the floor. As he was waiting, however, Issei had noticed a girl watching him through the window outside. From what he could tell, she looked to be around his age, with black hair that reached toward her breasts. She was wearing a school uniform to a university he didn't recognize and there was something about her piercing violet eyes that looked suspicious. She tried to hide her presence from him by hiding herself behind a pole, but it was obvious what she was doing. Issei sighed and just hoped she wasn't a fan who had recognized him. Though he made no apparent indication that he'd noticed her, he just prayed that she'd lose interest in him and go away.

 

The bored voice of the clerk returning pulled him out of his musings. "Alright Hyoudou so we've got an order of Xanax, Prozac, Celexa, and Klonopin, is that correct?" The clerk listed off the concoction in an apathetic tone and Issei couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed at all the different pills he needed to feel sane. _How pathetic.._ he thought, sheepishly.

 

"Yes, that's correct." Issei said as he reached into his wallet. The total was some overpriced number that he just blurred out because it didn't matter, and he paid the woman in cash upfront.

 

"Thank you come again." She spoke mechanically and Issei knew she didn't mean it because as soon as he'd paid her, she went straight back to the magazine she was reading before.

 

Sighing, Issei grabbed his lifeline before exiting the store and was once again welcomed by the chilling breeze of the open air. Glancing to the side, he noticed the girl he'd seen from the window before was now gone. If their was a God out there, Issei mentally thanked him for being on his side for once.

 

Before he even left the front of the store, Issei reached into this bag of goodies and pulled out the first bottle he could grasp. Xanax. As if mundane, he popped a few pills before shoving the rest into his pocket.

 

He hoped the effects would set in fast because as he was nearing the ledge from before, his thoughts of suicide came rushing back just like the tide from the ocean waves below.

 

Walking back over to the ledge, Issei placed a hand on the railing and noticed how unsturdy it was. It was cool to the touch and Issei realized something. He could fall _accidentally_. If he died it wouldn't necessarily be suicide. Just an accident.

 

He shook his head again. The voice in his head seemed to be dormant. How ironic.

 

Maybe he really should just end it all right now.. He was useless anyway, his dad reminded him of that every chance he got. Who would even miss him if he was gone anyway? His former bandmates? If they even still liked him after all the shit that'd happened. But if he died, he'd be free. He'd be with his mom. He'd be at peace. So what really was stopping him from throwing himself into the ocean's depths? Nothing.

 

He hoisted his right leg over the railing.

 

What did it matter if he never fulfilled his dreams? As if he was ever going to in the first place. He was incapable of being and feeling loved so he should just die. It's all his fault anyways. Everything was his fault. When in doubt, blame Issei. He's a coward. He should die. _I hate Issei._

 

Next came his left foot.

 

His back was to the ocean as he held onto the railing so hard that his knuckles turned white.

 

As soon as he release his fingers from the metal railing, he'd drop. Drop and drown deep into darkness.

 

But there was one persistent thought at the back of his head then kept him hanging on. Though small, it was there.

 

The thought of revenge.

 

If there was one dream he knew had to fulfill, it was to get revenge on his mother's killer. Himself. But is killing himself a worthy enough punishment? Issei thought he deserved to suffer more. He could've prevented his mother's death if he wasn't such a coward. He was too afraid to say anything. Too afraid to help. Just watch as _he_ was slowly killing her. Again, and again, and again. The thought of the alcohol from _his_ breath made Issei want to gag. How _dare_ he let that happen. He'd practically been the one to kill her himself by doing nothing.

 

No.

 

He couldn't die yet. He deserved the pain of living. He didn't get to just opt out when he was feeling sad. No. He deserved all the punches and the kicks. The bloody noses and the swollen lips. The bruises and the insatiable aching in his stomach. He had to endure it all. 

 

For her sake, he couldn't die yet.

 

Frustrated tears threatened to collect in his eyes and his palms were sweaty against the metal railing. There was salt in the air as the breeze hit his face. Any bit of noise rang deaf in his ears.

 

Issei was about to climb back over the railing, when he looked up to see a group of people around his age, three females, one male, dressed in Kuoh University uniforms. There was a short girl with shoulder length white hair who was licking a lollipop, a boy with blonde hair who looked like he could get any girl he wanted, and a beautiful girl with long black hair tied up with an orange ribbon. Issei almost couldn't sustain a blush when he saw how ginormous her tits were too! The way they walked almost reminded Issei of nobility and they appeared to be discussing something of great importance. But what had really caught Issei's eye to begin with, was _her_. The apparent 'leader' of their little group of four. The beautiful girl with the hair the color of blood and the eyes as blue as the sea. The way she moved was like that of a King and she was poised and elegant with every step she took. Like she was walking on feathers. Issei felt his face heat up a bit when he noticed her tits as well. Absolutely perfect. _God_ the things Issei would do to get to know a girl like that..

 

At this point, Issei wasn't sure if it was the girl with the red hair or the pills that were making his head fuzzy, but he suddenly felt his hand slip from the railing, having gone lax during his little gawking session. Before he knew it, he had lost his footing and like that, he was falling. Falling through the wind towards the rocky ocean below and everything felt like it was slowing down.

 

_Was he really going to die?_

 

_What about his revenge?_

 

_What about that girl?_

 

But there was nothing the boy could do now. As he was falling, he couldn't help but admit that he felt a bit blissful as he stared up at the sky as it got farther and farther away.

 

This body made impact with the water soon after.

 

It hurt more than he'd imagined, but he wasn't dead. Not yet.

 

His head was pounding more than before and his whole body ached. He probably broke a few bones but his mind was completely numb. He was almost in a state of euphoria as he drifted further and further.

 

The water filled his lungs and he didn't even move to reach the surface as he choked out a breath.

 

His eyelids felt heavy as he stared at the sunlight reflecting through the water. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move.

 

Issei was going to die.

 

He couldn't help but think about the headers of the newspapers that would be released after this. 'Former Lead Singer of Band Carpal Tunnel Commits Suicide.' He almost wanted to laugh. But he couldn't think anymore. It was all over.

 

Issei slowly drifted deeper and deeper into the ocean's depths, but before his vision went completely black, he could've sworn he saw red hair coming towards him.

 


End file.
